Morning Pages, July 13, 2018

Tess passed Jillian in the hallway to the washroom.

Jillian grabbed Tess’ inside elbow. She whispered, I heard you’re holding. Also, did you wax your arms? Holy shit, girl.”

Tess whispered back, I’ve got some weed. You wanna go out back and smoke?”

Oh,” Jillian said, disappointed. I was hoping you had coke.”

Tess hugged Jillian to get a little closer. You do coke?”

No!” Jillian said. I just thought, I dunno, if someone had it, I might wanna try it for the first time tonight. I mean, college is in two months. I haven’t even smoked pot.”

I have pot,” Kate said.

Jillian smirked. You said you had weed.”

Oh my god,” Kate said. Let’s go up.”

Kate meant the roof, so she headed in that direction, but Jillian stayed back. Kate had to give her a little puppy-style come on,” pat on her thighs before Jillian gained the strength to obey. Kate found the door to the roof around the next corner. She pulled the key out of her purse.

You have a key to the roof?” Jillian asked, incredulously.

You don’t have a key to the roof?” Kate said. She realized how this sounded. Jillian maybe wasn’t in the group of people who knew about the key cutting scheme from last year. She apologized.

Jillian followed Kate up the stairs. She’d never seen this part of the school. It smelled different, like static air mixed with outside, changing with every step. The stairs were a different height than the wide staircases on each corner of the school. She almost tripped. But then they reached the door, and she breathed surprisingly refreshing air. She hadn’t gone outside since the beginning of the dance, and Jillian felt unexpected relief.

Have you ever smoked?” Tess asked. Jillian shook her head. Tess told her it wasn’t a big deal, and she probably wouldn’t feel too much. It was just a little bit nicer. Jillian asked about feeling paranoid. Tess calmed her of that and several other quick fire questions. Then she asked if she wanted to do it for real. Then she pulled out one of her three joints, lit it, inhaled, and handed it over.

Take it in easy,” Tess said. You’ll cough if you go too hard.”

Jillian didn’t cough, and felt proud of herself. She’d cough after the third inhale.

July 13, 2018