Sure, the Velociraptors Are Still On the Loose, But That’s No Reason Not to Reopen Jurassic Park

McSweeney’s Internet Tendency:

And speaking of injuries, I want to take a moment to thank our Jurassic Park EMTs. They’re the real heroes here, am I right? In the process of responding to velociraptor attacks, many of our EMTs get mauled and dismembered by velociraptors themselves. That’s why, as a sign of appreciation, we will be repainting the Jurassic Park ambulance with the words Hero Mobile” in big bubble letters. We think this is a far more meaningful token of gratitude than the salary increase they requested.


May 8, 2020